When I first got pregnant in Italy, I did what so many women do when they’re far from home:
I trusted the people around me.
I trusted my partner’s family, their traditions, their advice, and especially their family doctor: a man who had delivered babies for multiple relatives across generations. Everyone said, “He’s the best. He’s taken care of all of us.”
So I followed their lead.
I wanted to feel safe.
I wanted to believe that just because a provider had history, it meant he had competence, and more importantly, compassion.
But very quickly, I learned something most expats eventually face:
a doctor who is good for the local community may not be the right doctor for you.
During my pregnancy, whenever I asked questions, not confrontational, just basic questions every first-time mother asks- I was shut down. If I wanted to understand risks, alternatives, or any pros and cons, I was brushed off as “difficult.” He said to my partner's Mother:
“In my 20 years of practice, she's been my most difficult patient.”
Not because I was unstable.
Not because I was noncompliant.
But because I dared to want clarity and autonomy over my own pregnancy.
And here’s the truth nobody prepares you for:
When you’re in an isolated region or a smaller Italian town, some providers simply do not speak English well enough to communicate medical nuance, and some do not have the cultural sensitivity to handle foreign patients with respect.
I wasn’t asking for special treatment.
I was asking to understand my own body, my own baby, my own birth.
But every concern was minimized. Every question was an inconvenience.
What I learned the hard way is this:
It’s okay to switch providers. It’s okay to seek someone who speaks your language. It’s okay to protect your pregnancy.
You deserve a doctor who:
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Explains what’s happening
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Doesn’t shame you for asking
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Doesn’t weaponize their authority
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Respects that you’re navigating pregnancy in a foreign country without the emotional safety net of “home”
If you’re pregnant or planning to be in Italy- especially in areas where English is limited- please hear this:
Do not settle for the first provider someone recommends, even if they’ve “served the family for years.”
Your comfort matters.
Your questions matter.
Your voice matters.
And your experience, your entire pregnancy journey, will be shaped by whether you felt informed, supported, and respected.
Advocating for yourself in a foreign healthcare system isn’t rude.
It’s survival.
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If you’re an expat navigating pregnancy, birth trauma, or medical anxiety in Italy, I offer online therapy sessions grounded in emotional safety, cultural sensitivity, and real support.
Book a consultation today and let’s create the grounded, informed experience you didn’t get the first time.
Marriana Marcarelli
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